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the graduated ranking system of mindless stupidity

On a scale of 1-10 on the Graduated Ranking System of Mindless Stupidity (aka GRSMS), my latest was getting run over by a 1,200 pound sled which was being towed by a snowmobile. Sure, there were gale force, freight-train winds slamming the snow in sideways, full-on whiteout conditions, so that could be my excuse—chaos stole my brain. But the bottom-line takeaway is simple and clear—I didn’t take a moment to step back and do what I KNOW to do—think. So I’ll give it a GRSMS rating of 9.

In terms of consequences for my mindlessness (measured on the Uh-Oh Karmic Consequence Scale, or UOKCS), I got off pretty easy. The snow had drifted and was deep and soft, and the weight of the sled pushed me down into it. Instead of getting killed—which would be a solid 10—I escaped with a very sore quad and a bruise that runs from my hip to my calf. Which most judges would rate a 4 or so. However, the bruise has grown quite colorful—purples and reds blended with hints of green and yellow—which turns it into body art, which we all know is tres’ cool and therefore a good thing. So my UOKCS score gets scaled down to a 3.

Add the two scores together—9 + 3—and divide the sum by pi (3.14) and I get a 3.82 on the Likelihood I’ll-Never-Learn Predictor (LINLP) that I’ll do something equally mindless again. Stay tuned!

What about you? Got a good hold-my-beer-and-watch-this incident to own up to? Or if you’re a writer, what sort of mindlessness might you inflict on your characters? Just imagine . . .