an inside job

I like to think of myself as an intrinsically motivated writer—I do it because I enjoy the process and get personal satisfaction from completing a project. I send it out, an offering of sorts—my small gift to the world.

But when an ARC (Advance Reader Copy) shows up in the mail and I hold that first iteration in my hands, I can't help it, I find myself thinking, "It's actually real!" Followed closely by, "People (aka reviewers) are going to read it!" With a hopeful, "And maybe even like it!" (Fingers crossed.) Ending with, "And tell folks that they should read it!" (Whoa.)

And then the very first reviewer (YAdudebooks) does just that:

"High octane . . . nonstop adventure and tension . . . keep the reader glued throughout."

"Totally authentic to teens and loaded with power and humor. The characters are not only believable, but the reader comes to care about each of them in a rather intense way."

"Fine writing, especially when it comes to conveying emotion in few words and clever metaphors."

"In summary: one of the best reads out there this year." 5 stars! ★★★★★

Hello, external validation. To the 10th degree. Exponential grins. Yeehaw! I soak it in.

But as wonderful as the praise and affirmation is, it's ultimately fleeting. Apparently I do not live on the bread of external validation alone. And so I turn to the next story, another inside job.